My neighbor's perfectly manicured lawn went brown in 3 days

I live in Portland and my neighbor Bill always had the greenest lawn on the block. Then last Tuesday I noticed it started turning yellow at the edges, and by Friday it was completely brown and dead. I asked him what happened and he just said "the soil told me it was time" with this weird smile. He hasn't touched the lawn since, but I've seen him out there at 3am staring at it. Has anyone's neighbor ever done something like this with their yard?

2 comments

2 Comments

clairebaker26d ago

oh man, that gave me the chills. My neighbor Dave did almost the exact same thing last summer in Seattle, he had this prize-winning rose garden and then one morning it was all just... gone. He pulled everything out by hand at midnight, I saw him from my window (couldn't sleep, you know how it is). When I asked about it he just said the soil pH was "offended" and wouldn't even look at me. It's creepy how they get this faraway look in their eyes, like they're listening to something we can't hear. I'd keep an eye on Bill, honestly, maybe leave some coffee out for him during the day so you can catch him awake and normal.

hayes.oliver26d ago

Wait, soil pH can't be "offended." pH is just a number on a scale, it doesn't have feelings. I get that Dave might have had some sort of breakdown or something, but the ground itself doesn't decide it's offended at you. Gardeners get super attached to their plants and sometimes snap, that part I believe. But you're anthropomorphizing dirt. Dirt doesn't care. It's just minerals and bugs and old leaves. Your neighbor Dave probably just lost his mind for a minute because he'd been staring at roses too long, the man needed a nap.